In my last article, I said that the tone of UnInkable will change. Personally, I think the site is ready for this, and to start off this new era of editorial tone, it’s time to talk about yours truly, your wonderful editor.
I was born in the primordial ooze of a faraway star system, and trained as an interplanetary assassin before I was kidnapped by space pirates. Working my way up their ranks, I became captain at the age of 15, and had many adventures across time and space. Sadly, our ship was destroyed, and my crew was lost, leaving me stranded on Earth with no alternative but to assimilate into human society and forge a new destiny for myself.
Actually, I was a small-town farmboy who liked books, but that’s not as fun of a story to tell at parties.
I was born in upstate New York, but raised in Idaho, where our chief exports are potatoes and racism. It wasn’t all bad – I got a lot of fresh air, and moving haybales and irrigation pipe around was great for my abs – but I definitely was out of my element for my teen years. College was a bit better, but also an exercise in patience as I learned that much of what I wanted from the experience was watered down by self-important professors, scary expensive textbooks, and classes I had already taken in high school.
There was a lot of aimless wandering from age 17, up until pretty recently at age 25. I struggled with depression a lot. I worked a lot of odd jobs, tried to get as many life experiences as possible, and enjoyed myself whenever I could – turns out, that was usually with food, since I was blessed with a fast metabolism and a joy of simple pleasures. Give me a French dip sandwich and a pickle, and you have bought yourself a place in my heart.
I’m also transgender.
See how I led into that, giving a lot of backstory before diving in? That’s because I’m a lot more than just the transgender bit, and I don’t want certain people to get all pissy when I inevitably talk about it. I’m not out to spread the transgender agenda (the people who do are already winning without me), but I’m not going to avoid talking about it. I was born male, and I’m transitioning to female. Expect a more detailed article about that in the future, but for now, just understand that’s why my byline has changed.
Here are some other assorted facts about me, in no particular order:
– I have been known to be irritated by pancakes, and hills.
– Coffee is my Titanic, and Tums are my lifeboat.
– My Sean Connery impression is on point.
– Spies Like Us is my personal Jesus.
– I try to find the good in everyone, so I know where to cut the deepest.
– I wear black every day because it’s easy; I’m too boring to be Goth.
– As a child, I loved Ghostbusters and Back to the Future, and I wanted to become an inventor
– I love to do certain things with my mouth – by which I mean talking and eating.
I have a lot of dreams, as many people do. One day, I hope they pay off. Until then, I work, I go to school, and watch a lot of Star Trek. If you should happen to come across me in public, please do not approach; I likely have just committed a crime, and while I am usually quite friendly, your interaction with me would serve only to hamper my escape from the authorities.
I’m Maxine, your wonderful editor, and I’m pleased to meet you.